Surprisingly enough, this actually isn’t my highest weight.
I’ve lost 15lbs in the past month and a half and before that still wasn’t my highest weight.
I was big my sophomore year of highscchool. But shorter.
Tonight is my first finale with the fandom, I’m so excited!
And for once I get to actually watch it at the exact time it airs instead of a recording the day after.
I don’t know if I’m an introvert or just so socially awkward that I’m terrified to hang out with people.
Honestly, probably the second one.
I cancel so many plans because I just panic.
And I have a hard time talking to people because I’m fucking terrified of saying something stupid and being judged for it.
I can’t even talk to Adam or… fucking Josh’s mom, even.
It really is dreadful.
It never fails, my facebook sidebar ads are always about pizza and lesbian dating.
It’s like they really know me.
I wish I was 21.
All I want to do is sit here with a box of wine, a pack of cigarettes, and old movies.
I can’t help but feel like I’m overstaying my welcome here.
I mean, I’ve only been here a month, but everybody seems pretty sick of my shit.
Liz (Adam’s older sister) came over today and asked Adam if he wanted to go to the lake to swim and when he looked at me and asked if I’d go, she scoffed and glared. So I didn’t go.
Maybe I’m overthinking things.
I just can’t wait to get the fuck out of this house.
friendly reminder that you don’t owe your mom kindness and love if she hasn’t shown you any, and that family members don’t automatically deserve all your respect if they treat you badly. don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about how your parents treat you.
This is wonderful.
I love my mother, I really do. And I appreciate what she’s done for me all my life.
But my goodness, she makes me feel like fucking shit all the time.
Every once in a while, I’ll call her just to chat. But it’s like, if I’m not calling for something specific, I’m wasting her time. She never acts happy that I’ve called, she just seems like she can’t fucking wait to hang up.
Ever since I told her I dropped out of college.
And she likes to point out every shitty thing I do.
And when I started taking medication again for my depression and anxiety issues, I told her that I had been happy 2 days in a row and it was wonderful but not something I was used to, and she looked around her to make sure no one was listening in and told me to stop talking about it in public. Like it was such a burden.
I know that some people have much shittier homelives and parents, but that doesn’t mean that mine doesn’t make me feel like shit.
|Anxiety:||Nothing, just wanted to worry you today.|
|Anxiety:||Hey your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't text you back, they're probably with someone else right now.|
|Anxiety:||Oh your best friend hasn't spoken to you today either. They're probably sick of your shit.|
|Anxiety:||Your parents said they're really proud of you..do you honestly believe that?|
|Anxiety:||Where do you see yourself in a year? Oh wait, you can barely get through a day!|
|Anxiety:||Will you ever rise to anything?|
|Anxiety:||Or are you always this pathetic? Lol|
|Me:||Why can't you leave me alone!?|
|Anxiety:||Because messing with your head is what I live for.|
Edward and I got our tickets to the Streetlight Manifesto show in Des Moines.
I’m fucking excited.
You don’t even know.